When only memories remain....

So yah! Although I am finding it difficult to type with trembling thumb but love demands pain and moreover my life is full of pain. A physically painless pain-.hard to explain,harder to feel...
It started years ago.Just a random friend request on fb..randomely was accepted...randomely received a  message which was randomly replied and this is how a unnamed,unexplained and unforgettable relationship came into life. Basic information about each other was exchanged.I really found the guy likeable which later turned into most loved one but I know if he would read this , he would definitely not believe the phrase "MOST LOVED ONE". I can't even blame him for this as it was me who never expressed love..it was me who never tried to make him happy...it was me who never did what he wanted me to do...it was me who always prolonged discussions he wanted, it was me who never ever did anything for him but to be of lucky fortune IT WAS ME WHO WAS LOVED BY HIM ENDLESSLY. Which I think I never deserved.Little things made us hopeful about each other like same caste, craziness for each other...desperately waiting for messages and than those long hours..overnight..sometimes short but incredibly awesome chats...never boring chats...always short of time chats...dreamy chats...those were the chats which made me feel more wanted..more beautiful...more loved day by day..more glowing..more humanly.

I couldn't stop myself from loving that guy even anyone couldn't do that. He was the one who always seemed worthwhile for my worthless words...he was the one who tolerated my anger...mood swings..fights...ignorance...ego...attitude...and much more...but never stood against me..oh my god...such a sacrificial guy he is...

He is a very family loving guy and I belongs to a family different from his ...he is so dedicated towards his family which I fantasize most about him..(baby I know some things will dumbstruck you but ya it is truth :) ) so initially my thoughts were somewhat different from his but who wouldn't change completely for such guy .Really I feel so lucky to once had him. (I still owes you but you won't believe me)

I still remember how he always managed to handle me when I was worst at times, his intoxicating love for me,his physical virtualization of us being together was so awesome,his habit of always mocking when I was Damn serious which made me even forget that I was serious , the way he cared was wonderful , his theory  that it was equally important to say love you too like jor se bolo-jai Mata di.( It still makes me laugh )

Hey man! U made me such a writer.I can't forget the names given by him wholeheartedly (soniye,baby-this name never sounded common when he said it, shonimoni -inspired by a novel which I forced him to read and he did as always whatever I wished)
You know what? I hate you for making me such a pathetic writer.I am glad that what I was and what I am now the reason being only you.This is the second time when I wrote for you..I hope you remember the first time also when I wrote the things that I wanted to do after us being together.
I have a very great belief on the line " Ishq saccha vahi jisko milti nahi manjile..manjile" .The same happened with us. Our love had no destination.But I love our love.I was a spoilt pampered girl but being with him I learnt some truths of life.Suddenly, my life twisted like a ball twists.It was decided by my family that I am going abroad to carry my further studies and to become independent.I didn't dare to tell him that so I kept quite and started behaving rude so that he can create some hatred for me . I don't know whether I succeed or not but our relationship came at an end point ( I am sorry for not telling you but I had no choice and I know I am the reason for everything) .I know I am the reason of your bad condition. I know you had not shaved for some time.I know you were not able to focus on work.I know you had improper lunch and dinner.I know you have created hatred for me what I really wanted .Within next 5 months I will be in plane travelling to US  ..I will be in an unknown city...I will be clueless about everything....I will cry for you , I will curse myself , I will do nothing , but I have no choice.
So last but not least I will miss you like anything like no one can imagine.Thank you for making me human being.Thank you for making me know the value of love.Thank you a lot for everything.Thank you for letting me go else it would have been so difficult for me.Thank you for keeping me like a queen.Thank you from bottom of my heart.A heart which still beats for you.
T H A N K.  Y O U.